Things on my mind

I've gotten into this (annoying) habit of waking up at 4:30 to go to the bathroom, and then not falling back asleep! I want my last 2 hours of sleep, darn it! ;-)

Anyways, I believe I have mentioned it before, my husband and I are "not preventing, but not trying" for a baby. There IS a chance this month, and it's driving me crazy because I want to know. It's only 8 days after ovulation, and I should wait for at least 10-11 to take a test. I'm also trying to convince myself to wait and see if I miss a period or not--> I mean, I can't start writing a pregnancy test into my monthly budget :P that just seems silly. Now I'm noticing signs (some people call them 'symptoms' which I avoid, as it implied an illness!) and I don't know if I am 'making them up' because I want to be, or if it's possible... it's hard to imagine it could be possible!!!!

I've been questioning things about the church a lot lately. Not a bad thing alone, but it's odd that suddenly I'm so defensive and confused about things that never bothered me.... the devil at work? Or me just being a little concerned--> I don't throw myself into faith- and whenever I do, I always end up questioning and doubting things. I've turned very conservative in the past year and maybe I resent it a little....which leads me to my next thought.

I was doing well losing weight, the few months before the wedding. I got myself together and just did it. And after the wedding I dropped doing it. Now I need to pick it up, and it's so difficult! I guess part of me doesn't want to- I don't want to give up pizza and coffee and cheese! And I want to lose weight for when I have kids--> I don't want to be a bad example. And as silly as it is, I want people to be able to tell  I am pregnant by looking at me- not just fat! I don't want to be pregnant but just look fat.
Of course, I may be stuck here. 0.0 If I am. Which I don't know.

Anyways, these are the things on my mind today. Any words of wisdom?