some thoughts

I didn't come here to write with a purpose, but just because I feel so passionately about something, yet no catalyst.

Abortion makes me angry. It makes me passionate. We live in a times right now where we should be open to letting everyone make all the damned decisions they want- and we should step back and let them. Why? WHY? It makes me so angry. It makes me angry b/c it's ingrained in us from an early age. It makes me angry because it's hard to push away the thoughts that it would make us a terrible person if we fight for what we KNOW is right.

I have a made a new friend. He is... very different than I. We banter on about things, and he is pretty much my polar opposite on most topics. He says that many things I consider "right" or "Wrong" are not as such- they are, in fact "opinion" and thus cannot be pushed onto others. "Sleeping around is wrong"- that's an opinion, and unfair to use the word "Wrong" on because that implies moral absolutes. Or something. But, in the end, I still feel I am right about things.

I want to be strong, a Catholic, woman of God. Instead, I feel like a feeble mouse, trying to play a game of balance, or trying to not look like a bad person by disagreeing with the social majorities. I have no strength. I need to learn how to ask God for it.

It's been quite awhile...

I feel like this keeps being my title. I haven't had much to write about, and so I've been quiet. I took a break from the church choir "So my husband and I could attend mass together" but rather we ended up missing skipping it a lot. So I think this week I'm going back.


The holiday season was quite crazy- working 2 retail jobs and all. Now I'm back to very little hours, and trying to catch up on taking care of the house... way behind on this task!

Now, we are looking at moving out to Texas. Hopefully March-April. T will transfer at his job, I am going to work for my dad while I look for work, and I plan to start training to be a midwife with the Association of Texas Midwives (http://www.texasmidwives.com/education/course.asp) I'm really really excited about this. I'm also to attend my first birth this month. My sister-in-law is pregnant with child #2 (a girl) and T and I will be the Godparents! So she invited me to be at the birth so I can see what it's like, plus it's my Godbaby! I'm so excited!

I'm also feeling called to be involved in the pro-life ministries- not sure what yet, but it's been really pulling at my for a while now. I don't really know how to, and many of my friends don't know how much I've changed (used to be pro-choice, a long time ago) so it will be a battle on occasion, I'm sure.

So that's the short of what's going on!

It's been a while

Hello all. Sorry, it's been a long time since I've written. I could come up with a bunch of excuses, but rather, I'll just sum up my recent events.
My husband, T, didn't get re-contracted as a music teacher. It was scary b/c we just weren't sure where God would take us then. He recently has gotten a job here in GA at the Geico center and he is loving it so far. It's exciting to see him tackle on something new- I see something new in him now, in his spirit. I can't really explain it, but it's exciting all the same.
I'm working 2 jobs- Dressbarn and Bath and Body Works. I really like BBW but they don't work me often- like 3-9 hours a week. (usually it's 3 hours a week, plus 4-7 more if we have a floorset) However, I got a phone call from my manager and I got an interview today (I guess it is "today" now!) for a semi-management type position- CSL. I'm excited about it! I've been working about 20 at DB which might have to be lessened if I get the new position.

I had lost about 30-35 pounds by our wedding (almost exactly a year ago! Already!) and I've gained it back. It's really bothering me- I gotta lose it again, or it just might kill me! My biggest thing has been foot pain in my right foot. With all the standing and walking and stuff at work, I'm in serious pain with my foot right now. I feel it's a weight issue.... though I will be making a chiropractor appointment soon to see if there are any issues he/she can see. I'm really bummed emotionally about the weight gain, but even more so physically. My menstrual cycle is all screwed up- it's about 40 days long (which is normal for me) but now I'm not ovulating. I bleed, but no ovulation (I can tell by my NFP charting- temp changes and mucus observations.)

I can't believe we have been married a year this weekend! T has planned a surprise weekend which I'm excited about, although I am working Sat and Sun (morning Sat and closing Sun) so it won't be as long as we had hoped.

I have been very stressed about many things. I've been skipping church more often (which isn't helping, I know!) and... I dunno. I've been awake for a hour plus already (and it's 5:30am!)  b/c I woke up to go to the bathroom and now just can't sleep. I hope things improve soon!

I ought to write more often

Hey everyone! I've been lacking a good computer to really type on, plus a loss of inspiration... but anyways...
Lent was a bit of a bomb. I didn't do well with any Lenten goals and I missed church 2 times! ugh! But I'm starting to get back in the groove- I'm reading the Left Behind series. It's alright- but I think it's subconsciously influencing me to think about God more often.
I've been craving adoration- just to be there. I'm wanting to pray with my husband more. I just have this general yearning- it's quite and soft, but there.

I'm looking at going to the Cursillo retreat in November. T and I went to a meeting about that group yesterday. Sounds good!

I'm not sure how to fulfill this crave I got!

catching up

Hey all! It's been a while, no?

Things are going alright here. Spring feels like it's starting to roll in, but it's early. I expect another frost before spring hits us. We got a second dog (it's a story). He is a dachshund. He is not neutered- the humping thing went away after 3 or so days, so we haven't decided on if/when.

So the two pups play well together- things are pretty peaceful. I'm still soul searching, but not stressing like I was. I am wanting to work on weight loss, but I see a long, painful journey ahead. Why do I fear weight loss? I think I fear the confidence I'll have if I do lose it.

Focus on a blog!

Check out this blog! I really like the message- Are you REALLY pro-life?

"So I ask you again, are you REALLY pro-life?

Let's be clear and make no confusion about my heart on this. I am not saying at all that if you use birth control of any kind, you are pro-abortion. I know many different families with many different views on children, and I know how much each one of them loves the Lord. I try and support all my friends in their personal decision that are between them, their husbands, and God.

But I cannot get away from the hypocrisy of it all when it comes to the pro-life movement in general.

Some of the women I knew, who I KNOW are pro-life, were so horrified when they found out my husband and I were getting a reversal and decided to let God bless us with more children. As many as He wanted actually. They were absolutely disgusted. How can I translate that with their STAUNCH pro-life stance? I just can't."

- That's a quote from this blog! Enjoy!

Not much still....

I don't know where I've been lately! I'd say I've been busy, but I really haven't.... I've just been not wanting to write, I suppose.

I've discovered a new blog I'm into... http://iheartorganizing.blogspot.com/
She is so creative and everything she makes is so cute (and useful!) It's got me thinking about stuff around the house I should work on. I always blame money "we don't have the money to get stuff to organize" but I wonder if I can come up with things around my home and re-use them for better purpose!

Raw foods

Is anyone on a raw foods diet? I'm learning a little bit about it, and thought I'd ask around. Basically, it's about eating natural foods whole (or juiced, but not processed) without heating them (heating kills nutrition). Organic is obviously the preferred.

weight

I know I complain about this a lot... I was looking at pictures of me on FB and untagged myself from a bunch of them. I hate how I look. Sometime I look huge ,swollen... but then another picture from a week or two later I look normal- my stomach area is big, but my face and stuff are disgusting. I wonder why I look like that sometimes.

The hardest thing for me is my mental image of myself is NOT huge. When I dream, I see size 12 Lori from high school. So when I look at pictures, it always suprises and upsets me.

So, I need to work on this battle again. I'm honest. I tell numbers.
I started at 242 at my highest. I got stuck at 223 for a long time. I took slim x-treme diet pills over the summer of 2010 before my wedding and I dropped to 208 right before the wedding (July 31.) I'm already back at 222. It makes me sad. I quit working out b/c I hated my trainer. I quit the pills and started overeating. (It's an appetite suppressant.)

I don't eat horrible. I mean, I ate a lot of sweets over the holidays, which I attribute my weight gain to. I also quit drinking water and drank more soda.

So I'm off the soda. I'm cutting the sugars down significantly. I need to cut the portion sizes.


I feel so alone doing this. T will, to help me, but I wish he wanted it.

Thank you notes

Traditionally one sends thank you notes for gifts received. As a child a never did. As an adult, I realized it importance. I did all my shower gifts. Then the wedding...... oops.
Halfway through opening presents we realized we weren't keeping a list. We went back ,wrote everything. *whew*

I wrote lots of letters. There was a handful I handed to T to write- ones he wanted to do and whatnot. He's very good at writing and expressing thanks.
He put it off. and off. And wrote a couple. And put it off.

I wasn't keeping track- his responsibility now, right? They were all in a bag for him. Well, now there is a stack of 4 written letters, a bunch of thank you cards and envelopes sitting in the bedroom. There is the stamps in the office....
And no list. Anywhere.

So now there are about 8 or so letters than need to be written- if even that many. No idea who- the list is gone. And they are way late to be sent.

 Obviously I'm a bit peeved. I don't know what to do in this situation. Some of them were gifts of money and the like. I can't look through the gifts and just see!


I wish I was brought up writing letters of thanks.

picture from here

Yesterday we celebrated the Epiphany (which is actually on Jan, 6th).


O God, Who by the guidance of a star didst this day reveal Thine only-begotten Son to the Gentiles, mercifully grant that we, who know Thee now by faith, may be so led as to behold with our eyes the beauty of Thy majesty. Through the same Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who liveth and reigneth with Thee in the unity of the Holy Ghost, God, world without end. Amen.



I want to live daily this Epiphany- the knowledge of God. The excitement of what really happened! The picture of the child I put- I love it! It's a picture of a child's sheer delight- likely of something they just learned or saw.


We are back home from our travels. T's first day back to work is today. Kids come back tomorrow. Now I'm trying to get the house in order. Not taking down Christmas yet (Waiting until next week- after the 12 days!) I even got a couple new ornaments that I hung up. Now is also the time to get sales for next year! I had hoped to get a "first year married" type ornament (or make one!) and maybe some garland for future years. We will see- I've kept my eyes opened, but with travel I haven't seen much.

I'm out of laundry soap- it lasted a good while. I need to go buy a new bar and make more! That's on my agenda for the day I suppose. Then doing laundry, vacuuming, putting away stuff we had taken with us or got during our travels. T got a lot of work clothes- my parents took him work clothes shopping and my mom bought him a suit. It needs tailoring in the pants. I also want to slowly get items tailored to fit him. He always wears slacks, a dress shirt, and tie for work (a teacher- band director) and I want him to look his best. Much of his clothes were too big and/or old. They stuff too big I hope we can get tailored down to look a bit more clean-fit for him.

He loves his pocket watch I got him for Christmas. I didn't get engraving done, but I might in the future. I am supposed to for his wedding ring too... just unsure of what to put on either of them! Any suggestions?

out of town

I've been out of town, thus not posting. I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas! Keep celebrating- 12 days of Christmas? Do we not celebrate the birth of a child beyond day 1?


I'm still excited about working towards being a doula. However, while I work towards that, I want to get a job- even PT. I want to have time to keep my house up and volunteer, but I want to help us get rid of the debt we have from our pasts.

I hope everyone has a great new year! My goal- prayer! I will pray more, really work on my relationship with God.

Career searching

This is something I don't think I've talked to much about. My degree is in music education, but I know I don't want to teach- especially in the public school setting. However, 37K student loans require payment, which requires a job! But currently my loans are on hold (as I'm jobless) and I'm searching for what my passions are. I talked on the phone with a life coach/family friend who helped me figure out some things. I wanted to share this.

What drives you? <-- Many people think "Money" but in reality- money motivates us (b/c we want to care for our family, etc) but MONEY itself isn't the actual drive. We just want to have it.
--- What makes you ticked off? What makes you happy? - Solving this can help you figure out what you truly care about. I narrowed mine down to
a- Personal (human) dignity. The TSA stuff with the full body scanners and pat downs makes me livid. Why? B/c i see it as an infringment of our rights and human dignity.
b- education of women- in terms of their own body, their rights, etc. For example, I am using Natural Family Planning (NFP). It's about seeing what the woman's body does naturally (it TELLS you when you are fertile!) and using these signs appropriately. If you want babies- now is the time to do it! If not, then you shouldn't right now! Women should know the harms of birth control, inducing labor, and other things. We need to be educated about our choices!
c- my faith.I want to do what is right, and help encourage others to do what is right- through education!

I always knew education was important to me (my major!) but what I was not sure. But as I talked to this friend, I narrowed down some fields I may be interested in learning more about. One of them being a Doula or labor assistant. I've never been in the labor room, but I have been reading and researching about choices there are and what they mean- I find it interesting to know how it works. Women have been birthing babies since the beginning of time! Why suddenly are we trying to control it? Our controlling it is HARMING the baby and mother!
I contacted a local Doula and she sounds great- we talked and got along really well. She gave me some information. I'm hoping to sit in on some of her meetings/classes to see what she does and how I enjoy it. She's actually converting right now to Catholicism and is interested in incorporating NFP into her practice! She is working with CAPPA on a program that she thinks it right up my alley in terms of interesting and morals. I'm excited to learn about it and I'm really thinking I'm called to this.My dad is offering to pay half the price of the coursework, should I chose to follow this.

It also makes me happy- it's a blend of what I believe and my values with my parents faith and values (more new age/naturalistic).

So this is where I am now!

Give-a-way

Giveaway Wine Cork

Check it out! Her work it very cute and I hope I can win one! Or else I'll have to go buy one sometime!

No reading

Those who blog- how did you get people to read? Does it matter to you if people read it?

I know I don't have people reading mine- maybe 1-2 people occasionally. Which is fine, but sometimes I need advice! I ask on here, but then if no one is reading.... yeah. Doesn't work so well!

demons?

 

(from http://www.parascientifica.com/articles.php?a=89)

Do you believe in Demons? Do they effect us? Can they "mess" with us? How? How do you recognize it? How do you deal with it?

Is it real?

T believes so. I'm scared to.

And I'm not!

This picture is pretty. :-) Trying to remember to think about Jesus and the scenario he came to our world in. I love the song "Mary, Did you know?" b/c it talks about it.

So, not pregnant. Good news, I suppose. I'm really torn... I am excited for motherhood and I hope for it. However, I really need to find out where I want to be in life. I feel obligated to find a career, but I don't know what I want to work in. I'm trying to make an appointment with a Doula to learn about it and see if it's something I'm interested in.I want to be a SAHM.... but, T's salary is small and It'd be nice to have the extra income- especially since there is no child right now! 

People talk about being "called" to something...I wish I knew what I was called to. I don't hear God. I don't know where I am supposed to be!

T is sick with the flu- I've been with him for 4.5 years and I don't think I've ever seen him sick with anything except sinus stuff. Poor baby. I've been trying to take care of him. 

This weekend we went dress shopping for Reba's bridesmaids dresses. The number one pick so far I like a lot. It's not up on David's web page yet though, or I'd post it.

Mary, did you know?

Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day walk on water?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered, will soon deliver you.

Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
And when you kiss your little baby, you have kissed the face of God.

The blind will see, the deaf will hear and the dead will live again.
The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb.

Mary did you know that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding is the great I am.

My favorite version is by Michael Crawford.

laundry day

Yeah... so the response is what I figured! Fair enough- I don't post often enough and don't have anyone reading this, but I'm ok with that. After all- half of blogging is to keep the self sane!

Today is laundry day!I'm not sure how T and I go through so much laundry in a week!I usually do a mid-week quick wash, and I didn't this week. On top of clothes, gotta wash the towels, dish towels, bed linens, etc! Meanwhile, I'm wasting time on FB (bad Lori!) and figuring out student loans. Ugh! I hate student loans. Very much! I might watch another episode on netflix of Jane Eyre.

And I'm still using my new homemade recipes for dishes (oh yeah! Got some of those to do too!) and laundry and I like them!

pregnancy and whatnot

So, I've been putting off writing. I'm not sure why. Busy, then without internet over Thanksgiving.... yeah. No good excuse here.

My big thing, which I haven't wanted to write about is my lack of a period.


I do Natural Family Planning, but we are not using it to determine sex or not. It's so I can keep up with what my period is doing. I have irregular, but after charting 4 cycles, I can see I have some regularity. But, my cycle lengths have been 40, 28, 34, 30, and now... ? I usually only have 8-10 days after ovulation before my period starts. However, I haven't been charting long, and I know my body has always been irregular.
Right now I am 19 days after ovulation. I took a pregnancy test on day (after ovulation) 13 and 17. Both Negative.
I am not having morning sickness. I was cramping a bit yesterday and today but so far no blood. (I thought I was starting.) I think my hormones are crazy (from either pregnancy or really late period) and I've been feeling really depressed and I'm super stressed about not knowing what's going on. People don't seem to understand "wait another week" feels like eternity. It should show up on tests, or else I should be pregnant. I'm ok with either- I really am. I just want to know. I'm scared, a bit.

I know a lot of you don't comment, but please.... what do I do?!?!

Thanksgiving challenge

I've been thinking about this, but not logging on to blogger as often as I ought. But, I should keep trying it out!

Today I'm thankful for friends. I am thankful there are people who know me- even the ugly sides of me- and love me anyways. I am scared of losing them, as we move off in different directions (2 of my bridesmaids and closest friends are moving out of state in the next 2 months) but I am thankful that I have them now.