weight

I know I complain about this a lot... I was looking at pictures of me on FB and untagged myself from a bunch of them. I hate how I look. Sometime I look huge ,swollen... but then another picture from a week or two later I look normal- my stomach area is big, but my face and stuff are disgusting. I wonder why I look like that sometimes.

The hardest thing for me is my mental image of myself is NOT huge. When I dream, I see size 12 Lori from high school. So when I look at pictures, it always suprises and upsets me.

So, I need to work on this battle again. I'm honest. I tell numbers.
I started at 242 at my highest. I got stuck at 223 for a long time. I took slim x-treme diet pills over the summer of 2010 before my wedding and I dropped to 208 right before the wedding (July 31.) I'm already back at 222. It makes me sad. I quit working out b/c I hated my trainer. I quit the pills and started overeating. (It's an appetite suppressant.)

I don't eat horrible. I mean, I ate a lot of sweets over the holidays, which I attribute my weight gain to. I also quit drinking water and drank more soda.

So I'm off the soda. I'm cutting the sugars down significantly. I need to cut the portion sizes.


I feel so alone doing this. T will, to help me, but I wish he wanted it.